Red vs Blue: You Have a WHAT in your Pocket?
by Maverick Hunter Cyros
Summary: The inhabitants of Blood Gulch have been through the worst situations, haven't they? WRONG! Things get crazier than ever when they find themselves stuck on unknown planet surrounded by children and tamed monsters. A RvB Pokémom crossover.
1. Episode 1

Welcome, one and all, to once again another crazy crossover fan story by me, Maverick Hunter Cyros (just one of many names I go by in this internet world). You might remember me from such unfinished stories like A Humorous World of the Transformers, Irken Prime, and probably the most infamous of all, the various incarnations of the series Red vs. Blue: The Pokémon Chronicles. Well, if you've found this story by now, I bet you have a pretty good idea what it's about too.

I won't bore you much longer, so here are the disclaimers. Red vs. Blue and all it's original plots, characters and jokes are brainstormed, written, produced and gold mined by Rooster Teeth Productions. In addition to this machinema, the video game series Halo and all of it's elements are property of Bungie and to a further extent, Microsoft. And finally, the video game series Pokémon and all the franchises included are property of Game Freak, the Pokémon Company and most of all, Nintendo. That is to say, I own basically nothing except to general idea of this fanfic and any original characters I decide to throw in that appear more than one or two chapters. In closing, I'm just doing this to have fun and see just how much trouble I can cause by combining to two series; it's like a laboratory experiment, but without the mixing of acids and water, so it's safer… to an extent.

Addressing those who have followed my previous versions of this story, I'm going to say now that they will not stay up on my profile much longer. Eventually, after a few chapters or so, I will take them down permanently. This will most likely not occur until the end of the month, so by January 1st, 2007, the four versions of Red vs. Blue: The Pokémon Chronicles will be taken down, as well as a few other of my stories (most likely all of them, as I will not be working on them anymore). So to those who have waited for more content on those actual stories, I have to say I am sorry, but I feel like continuing those now would be an unnecessary challenge. And yet, I thank you for your positive reviews as well are your patience.

Now, here's a quick overview of some writing styles you'll see:

**(Bold and in Parenthesis) **– Scene and time changes  
"Underlined Quotes" – Radio voice-over  
"_Italic Quotes"_ – Thinking

* * *

**Red vs. Blue: You Have a _WHAT_ in your Pocket?!**

**LAST TIME, ON RED VS. BLUE (Episode 77)**

"A baby?! Wait up! I wanna see!"

"Donut, get back here! Wait for the ship!"

"But Sarge, we don't even know when the ship is gonna get here! It's coming all the way from Earth! That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!"

_KER-SMASH!!!_

**And now, the continuation…**

**Episode One: Light Fuse… Pray for Death**

**(Underneath Blood Gulch, sometime after Episode 77 and before Episode 84)**

Private Franklin D. Donut was not having a good day. More accurately, his day was going just fine up until something feel from the sky and landed straight on top of him. After that, he blacked out for who knows how long and had only recently reawakened. With a mighty headache to add to the injury as well.

"Uhh… what happened?" He looked around at his surroundings briefly, trying to ignore the pain stabbing through his skull.

"Where am I?"

Seeing nothing at interest, he moved forward and into a large cavern. His eyes soon caught sight of two prone figures, lying on the ground.

"Oh, maybe they know!" he proclaimed. As he got closer, he saw the duo made not attempt to acknowledge him. Nor did they move a muscle. Donut soon came to a simple conclusion and said, "But it might be rude to wake them up. I'll just wait here a while."

Meanwhile, while Donut foolishly hummed like some kind of weird greenish gnome, just a scant few hundred meters from his position, _evil_ was afoot.

"So, is it ready?" asked a deep, yet gravely, male voice

"What?" The second voice was higher than the first, but still male in nature.

"I said, is it ready?"

"…is what ready?"

"What?! Are you some kind of moron?!"

"Seriously, I don't remember what we're doing!"

Two armored soldiers faced one another; one in red armor, the other in blue. It was the one in red who took a deep sigh of frustration and talked to his companion.

"Alright, I'm only going over this one more time, so pay attention. Or else."

"Er, yeah, yeah! Or else!"

The red soldier took a glance at a nearby device and nodded slowly. "This bomb here is designed to blow up and destroy everything down here, _and_ on the surface. That means the guys up there will be gone, and the boss will pay us after he collects the reward! You got it?"

The blue soldier took a quick look at the bomb and said, "Oh yeah! The giant bomb! Erm, I think it's all set. Don't see anything wrong from here."

"What about the timer then? Did you hook it up right?"

"Umm…" He glanced at the digital timer, which currently read fifteen minutes. "Looks like it."

"You didn't put it in upside-down, did you? I don't want to die because of you repeating something you saw on television."

"Nope, I didn't, see!" The blue soldier pointed at the top part of the timer which had the label "THIS END UP" on it. "So we're good to go!"

"Excellent. Let's arm this thing and run for it."

As the red soldier reached for the activation switch for the bomb, he stopped just as his eyes caught sight of something. Or rather, someone. In pink armor.

"…uh, hi! My name's Donut! Do you know where we are right now?"

The two soldiers looked at each other in confusion. In unison, they thought, _"Where the heck did this guy come from,"_ and cautiously approached him, guns ready.

"Wait a minute, why are you pointing those at me? What did I do?"

The red soldier stepped forward and said, "You're from Blood Gulch, aren't you?"

Donut immediately responded to the question, knowing well enough the answer. "Yeah, I am!"

"From the Red squad, right?"

"Right again! Man, you guys must be psychic or something!"

Before the red guy could continue, his companion jumped in and added, "So that means you're one of the guys that Wyoming wants dead!"

"Bingo!" Donut had thought for only a moment afterwards before he realized something.

"…wait, what?"

"Idiot!" the red guy screamed, smacking he companion with his rifle. "Quick, we need to kill him before he can warn the others!"

Donut stood still for another second before the realization of what was happening kicked it. "Uh oh."

He turned tail and ran, ran for his pathetic little life as two flunkies, one red, one blue, chased him across the cavern, guns a blazing**  
**

* * *

**(Nearby Blood Gulch Outpost #1, aka Red Base)**

If Donut believed he was having a bad day, then by obvious logic, the rest of the Red squad would have to be having one too. It didn't help either that after a series of unforeseen events, a ship appeared in the middle of the canyon, Grif's sister showed up, Sarge was mistaken for a commander would died while on duty and that Grif's sister was actually sent by the BLUE Command to assist the BLUE squad.

And to make things worse, Sarge was overly pissed. And when he's pissed, no one is safe, not even Simmons. But for Grif (who Sarge hated with an undying passion) and his sister (who was technically a member of the Blue army), things were about to get very, very ugly.

"Well, uh… Sarge… at least, well… at least-"

"Simmons," Sarge said with a voice of venom. "Do yourself a favor and don't, say, a word."

Simmons took the advice and immediately shut up. While he stood next to Sarge, Grif and his younger sibling stood opposite from them. Grif's sister, donned in yellow armor, took this time to ask her brother a question.

"Psst! Hey, Grif? What's going to happen now?"

Grif sighed and whispered back. "In my experience with Sarge, one of two things. Either he beats up senseless and makes us do stuff, or, he kills us. …and judging by his expression, I think we're screwed."

His sister's eyes widened in shock, although her visor prevented anyone from seeing her expression of terror. "What?! I can't die now! I haven't even gotten to second base with anyone besides myself!"

"Seriously, stop saying things like that in front of me. Better yet, never say anything like that again."

"All right you maggots!" shouted Sarge. The siblings immediately stood at attention; facing Sarge with looks of worry and disappointment (Grif only had disappointment). "It seems like the devious plots created by the Blues has once again failed! You were _very_ clever there for a while missy, but you forget that as a member of the Red Army, I've been trained to be a master military leader!"

"…Red Army? What-"

"Shut it! Now that disaster has been adverted, it's time to figure out what do with you, you… you damn dirty Blue!"

Grif's sister looked over herself for a moment before turning her head back up. "OHH, you mean there are two armies now?"

"Wait a minute," said Simmons. "When did you join the army anyway?"

"About two years after my brother… why?"

"A-hah! Just as I thought. YOU joined the army just after Master Chief blew up the alien armada and the Red and Blue armies formed."

"You mean we aren't fighting any aliens? Aww man!" she moaned.

"Quit the chatter, Simmons! All that matters now is what we're gonna do with Grif's sister! And Grif."

"What?!" the orange soldier shouted. "What did I do wrong?!"

"Guilty of being related to the enemy. You got Blue genes around there somewhere…"

"Sarge, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And I've been hanging around Donut for years.**  
**

* * *

**(Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, aka Blue Base)**

"What are the up to down there… looks like they're chewing out their new recruit and Grif. Looks like he knows her too."

"Ooo, ooo, maybe they are part of a secret breeding program to make a race of yellow-orange super soldiers!"

Church slowly turned to face his blue companion, Caboose. "Caboose… I highly doubt that."

"What's up, bitches?" Strolling to the top of the base was their companion, Private Tucker, as well as his recently born alien son. "Did I miss anything exciting?"

"I thought you were off spending some alone time with your abomination of nature." Church gave an accompanying glare at the alien baby, who responded with a mean sounding _honk!_ in return.

"Yeah, that didn't go as well as I planned. But hey, I taught him a neat little trick!" Tucker looked at his alien child and said, "Hey TJ: bow chicka bow wow!"

In response, "TJ" said, "Honk blarghie honk honk!" in the same way Tucker had said his line.

"That was a really neat trick, Tucker!" exclaimed Caboose. "Can he play dead?"

"If you don't get that thing away from me soon, he'll be 'playing' dead for the rest of eternity," warned Church. The cobalt soldier then resumed spying on the Reds.

"Hey, what's going on with the girl?" asked Tucker, whose superior eyesight saw what Church needed a sniper scope to see. "Why is their sergeant pointing a gun at her?"

"I don't know… she probably pissed him off or something. For some reason, I just saw Simmons digging him up from the ground. Sometimes I just don't understand them."

Tucker looked at the opposing team along with Church for several more minutes. He then turned and asked, "What are they talking about?"

"TUCKER, GODDAMNIT!"

"No harsh language in front of the baby, please," Caboose stated.

"Caboose, I swear to god that- wait a minute. The Reds are coming this way!**  
**

* * *

**(Blood Gulch Subterranean)**

Bullets of different sizes flew through the air and bounced off various objects. Donut was thankful that the standard issue armor for both armies has a built in shield matrix for added protection, or he wouldn't have lasted this long.

Behind him, both the red and the blue soldier continued to fire at him, determined to take him out. While he wasn't entirely sure why, he remembered them mentioned someone named "Wyoming" was out to kill them all, and that the strange object they where working with was the key to that plot. Unfortunately, Donut was unable to find any path that lead to the surface, meaning his options were begin to severely dwindle.

"Aim for him, stupid! Quit shooting the rocks!"

"I'm trying, ass! The sight on this thing is crooked!"

"No, your sight is crooked you moron!"

"Well your brain is crooked!"

"That makes no sense!"

"_I'm glad their concentrating more on each other than me…"_ Donut had to find a way away from those guys, and fast. He turned another corner and kept running, suddenly finding the bomb right in his path.

"I see him!" the blue soldier shouted. "Take this, you pink bastard!"

With a toss of his arm, a blue fuzzy thingy was launched into the air. Donut stopped for a moment to stare at it and thought one, single thing.

"Ahh, spider!!! Get it away!"

He dove out of the way just as the grenade came to where he was; and then attached itself to the exterior of the bomb.

"No, you idiot! You've doomed us all!"

The blue soldier looked at his partner sheepishly and asked, "Does this mean we're not going to get paid?"

Donut still ran without the knowledge of the grenade attaching itself to the bomb. He spotted the two bodies he had found before and yelled, "Hey, get up, it's not safe here! Hey, listen, get up! Hey!"

There was nothing anyone could do. The grenade reached critical and exploded, melting the casing and eating at the detonator inside**  
**

* * *

**(Blue Base)**

"What the hell did you say?!"

Sarge smirked at Church's cries of disbelief. "I said we have one of your guys! Who's a girl! Chalk one up for the Red Team!"

"I thought she was your guy! Look at her; yellow armor!"

"Nope, she's yours! Or rather, _was_ yours! Who's the better leader now, punk?!"

Church stood in a stupor. The Reds had just come over to their base and started taunting him, revealing that the yellow armored girl that had just arrived a while before was in fact a recruit from the Blue army for their squad. And just to put salt in the wounds, Sarge claimed that she was now their prisoner, constantly motioning to her restraints. Add the fact that the ship that was SUPPOSE to belong to him was been commandeered by Sarge… well, the point was that things were going to shit pretty quickly.

"Hey! Hey!" Grif turned to his sister who kept whispering in a not-so-low manner. "Is this get up really necessary? I'm not into this kind of stuff!"

Eyeing the bounds on her wrists, the orange soldier replied, "Just be glad he didn't kill you. And what did I say about saying stuff like that?"

"Not my fault I had nothing to watch but your 'special videos' for two years after you left."

"You did WHAT?!"

"Grif, shut the fuck up already!" yelled Simmons.

"Hey, screw you Simmons!"

On top of the base, Tucker watched as the two Red privates argued with each other. "Those two always bicker like a married couple, huh Church?"

"Tucker, I'm a _little_busy right now… I would appreciate it if you just back off."

"Okay, fine." Tucker walked away and ran into Doc, the resident medic of the canyon. "Say, you wouldn't know anything about child care, would you?"

"Well, today is your lucky day! I've been babysitting ever since middle school! I know all the tricks of the trade!"

"But what about actually child care? You know, with kids of your own?"

Doc paused for a moment before asking, "Is there a difference?"

Church kept arguing with Sarge over the situation, and frankly, he was getting pissed by it. He could just shoot him there and now, but as previous experience taught him, his aim with the sniper rifle was less than adequate. And he didn't really want to walk to the other side of the roof to get his battle rifle either.

"So, what's it gonna take to get my rookie back from you guys?"

"Nothing!" Sarge laughed at Church's stupid question. "We've already won so in your face Blue!"

"You know what; I don't have time to deal with this crap anymore. Since you have a prisoner and you lost one of your guys, and since our medic doesn't fight, the odds are even. We could take you out right now if we felt like it."

"Why don't you say that to me face, then?"

"I can see the shotgun in your hands, dumbass."

"Why you dirty-" Sarge recomposed himself and looked at his troops. "Lock and load, we end this today!"

Simmons looked at Sarge with a look of worry "But sir, who'll watch the prisoner while we storm the enemy base?"

"Let Grif handle it."

"But then it'll be two of us verse three of them."

"Good point. Oh well, let's get rid of her then."

"Does that mean you're setting me free?" Grif's sister asked with happiness.

"Nope; we're gonna kill yah!"

"What?!"

"WHAT?!" The second exclamation came from Grif. "You're actually going to-"

Sarge aimed his shotgun right at her face which, even at a meter away, would totally cause a fatal head wound. "Let's get this over with; I have a war to win!"

Church heard the sound of a weapon being loaded and glanced at the source. Indeed, Tucker was getting ready to do something. "Tucker, what the hell are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" the teal (or aqua as he had claimed) armored private stated. "I'm gonna rush right in and save her!"

"Why? Did you forget that their Sarge has a shotgun? That will kill you with one shot at close range?"

"But they're going to execute one of our own soldiers! That means one less person to fight with us!"

Church pondered for a moment at Tucker's plan, and then saw the _real_ reason he was going to do something suicidal. "You just want to save her so you can sleep with her, don't you?"

"Duh," Tucker said plainly. "This is the opportunity of the lifetime! I save her, we both lose our virginity; everyone wins!"

"…as much as I would love to stop you and make your feel miserable, the fact that you may certainly die while trying this crazy plan of yours intrigues me even more. Ah what the hell, go get 'em; maybe I'll be bothered enough to send flowers to your grave afterwards."

In a flash, Tucker was off to save the day, and by that, Grif's sister. That's when the ground cracked open everywhere.

"Whoa, what the hell?!" Tucker kept his composure even as the ground shank beneath his weight.

The Red and Blue squads stood still as the ground stopped sinking. All over the canyon, fissures had appeared and various landmarks had either crumbled or tilted. The Red base had nearly flipped over on its side even.

"Simmons, what the Sam-hell happened just now?!" shouted Sarge, the execution of Grif's sister temporarily forgotten.

"Why are you asking me, I don't know!"

On top of the Blue base, Church looked over the canyon and sighed. "Something tells me this isn't going to be good."

"What do you mean?" asked Caboose.

A great rumble now filled the canyon as the pieces of broken ground began to _rise_ upward. "Call it luck, Caboose. Really, _really_, shitty luck."

And that's when Blood Gulch, as well as everything in a five kilometer radius, was blasted into who-knows-where.

**Next Episode: This Picture is Wrong…**


	2. Episode 2

Ah, it's that time again: that's right, another chapter! Even though I expected to get a few more reviews than I did, I'd like to thank those of you that indeed found my story interesting. Now, here's the chapter where we actually get to the crossover material, so hike up your knickers, boys and girls, cause things are going to get messy!

Sarge: That is not the way the quote goes at all!

Just for that, you don't get to appear in this chapter.

Sarge: Aww fudgepumps.

* * *

**Episode Two: This Picture is Wrong…**

**(Some unknown forest, some unknown planet)**

The forest path was illuminated by a few beams of sunlight as a pair of people walked down its dirt filled length. The younger one, a girl with dark blue hair, a white wool cap and a shorter-than-regulation-allows miniskirt turned toward the older boy, a vest and jean wearing teenager with a standard baseball cap. "How much further do you think we have to go till the next town?"

"Before nightfall, I guess," he replied. "All I know is that this path will take us right to where ever we're supposed to be going."

The girl's mouth opened in a disappointed manner. "You don't even remember the name of the town?"

A small "pika" was heard next to the boy's head as a small yellow mouse-like creature gave off a look of embarrassment for the boy. He turned to the creature and replied, "Hey, I wasn't paying attention, alright? I was… distracted!"

The girl sighed and gave off a weak smile. "Forget it, Ash. Let's just get going; I'd really like to see what the Contest hall is like there!"

The boy, Ash, smiled at his traveling partner's enthusiasm. "Alright, we'll get there soon, granted that nothing unexpected happens on the way."

"Like what?"

"Anything really. A trainer could challenge one of us to a battle, Team Rocket could appear to harass me like always or-"

A small pop occurred, and a knee high creature wearing some type of teal armor appeared in the path of the two traveling youngsters. They paused and stared at the newcomer with looks of both curiosity and confusion.

The girl took this moment to finish Ash's statement. "…or some type of weird, armored Pokémon could pop in out of nowhere right in our path?"

"…exactly."

"Honk!" The little alien walked up to the girl and stared right into her big blue eyes. She then knelt down to get a closer look at him, to the dismay of Ash.

"Whoa, Hikari, be careful! We don't know what kind of Pokémon this is yet! And he looks kind of dangerous…"

"Dangerous?" responded Hikari. "Aww, he doesn't look that scary. He doesn't even look like he's that old anyway…" She pointed her index finger at the little alien, wiggling it and cooing at the same time.

TJ's hunger had grown since his last feeding and was just about to bite it clean off when a wail came out of the sky, followed by Tucker crashing into a heap right behind the two human children. The crash startled them both and they quickly went over to the crumpled soldier.

"…oww."

Ash questionably looked at the armored man, curious of where he came from and why he was dress the way he was. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, I'm cool." Tucker confirmed this boast by sitting up straight, looking right into the young teenager's eyes. "Wait a minute; who are you?"

Hikari grabbed Ash's shoulder before he could reply and whispered in his ear. "Hold it Ash. We don't know who this guy is, he could be dangerous!"

"And that Pokémon isn't?"

The girl merely huffed at his turn about response. Then the black haired boy gave her a serious look and a confirming nod before turning back to the teal soldier. "That depends. Who are YOU?"

"No way man, I asked first! You tell me who you guys are!"

"What do you think I am, stupid?" Ash thought over what he just said and knew just how Misty would respond to that. "_Like 'Well, isn't it the truth?' perhaps." _Pushing the though aside, he continued his statement by adding, "How do we know you're not a member of Team Rocket, or just some guy looking for trouble?"

Silence ensued right then and there for several uneasy seconds. "'Team Rocket'? What kind of retarded name is that?"

The Pokémon trainer was taken by surprise by Tucker's response. "Wait a second… you've, never heard of Team Rocket?"

"Was I suppose to? Sounds like a band of badly written super-villains from a cheap, Saturday morning cartoon show to me."

Ash felt a need to inquire even further. "Okay… just where the heck did you come from?"

"Blood Gulch, where else?" Tucker gave a small glance past the two youths and spotted TJ, just as he was about to take a bite at Hikari's… _exposed_ undergarments. "Whoa there, TJ, settle down!"

The little teal alien gave a small "blargh" in response and stepped backwards. Hikari turned to see where it was poking around and immediately blushed with embarrassment, standing upright and pulling her skirt down as far as she could without ripping it.

"Didn't I tell you before; touching girl's butts in public is bad. Especially if they're that young, otherwise you end up in jail for ten to fifteen years. And don't expect me to bail you out when that happens."

Another wail pierced the forest ambience, followed by the sound of a distant splash. Everyone looked up and turned toward the general direction of the disturbance.

"Hey, that sounded like Church!"

"'Church?'" asked Ash. Instead of getting a response, he got a glance at Tucker running into the brush, TJ quick at his heels. The teen trainer motioned for Hikari to follow and both of them pursued the teal soldier through the forest edge.

A moment later, everyone had stopped by a small riverbank where a prone figure laid facedown in the muck. Tucker looked down and noticed that the armor did indeed match Church's colors. "Hey Church, fancy meeting you here! What the heck happened?"

Silence was all that was heard. Tucker knelt down and examined the armor more closely. "Church? What's wrong? Why the hell aren't you saying anything?"

"Because I'm standing right over here, moron!"

Tucker, Ash, Hikari, Pikachu and TJ looked right toward the opposite side of the river and toward the voice. Right behind an outcropping of rocks that reach up to his abdomen was a tall, not overly muscular, brown haired and blue eyed Caucasian male with a perturbed look on his face. Not only was Church wet from his recent dip in the river, but he wasn't happy by the fact that he had done so without any armor on.

The teal soldier looked at the man with a puzzled look; something wasn't adding up. "Uh, Church, is that you?"

"Of course it's me, idiot! How could you not recognize me?!"

Tucker thought for a minute before coming up with an answer. "Well, your body's over here, and it's a robot body, meaning you can't be over there, because all I'm seeing is a human body."

"…Tucker, I don't know what's going on, but I'm telling you this, right here, right now: I. AM. CHURCH. And who the hell are these kids?"

Ash was even more confused by this, and tried to see if he could get an answer out of the two. "So let me get this straight. This guy, Tucker, says your body is right down here. But you say you're right over there. Meaning if you're right there, then who's this right here?"

Pikachu took that as his cue to jump off Ash's shoulder and walk up to the cobalt figure in the mud. Using strength one could not imagine such a small creature to have, he lifted the chest of the armor upward to get a look at the front of the armor. At that point, the helmet detached from the rest of the body and fell on the ground.

And then a human skull fell from the hole on the bottom.

Everyone looked at the skull for a whole minute. And then Hikari broke the silence by screaming her lungs out.

Ash was the next to follow, and then Pikachu started to do so, then Tucker, and finally TJ (which was, in fact, more of a stretched out blargh). Church was the only one silent as everyone else screamed at the sight of the skull that was once Church's head. Of course, he could only take so much of it before he shouted:

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP?"

And that they did, and Church was pleased. Until Hikari screamed once more, the rest following.

"Ugh… why couldn't I just stay dead?"

* * *

**(Another unknown forest, same unknown planet)**

"Hello? Hello! Can anyone here me!"

Simmons was in a situation at the moment. One minute he was standing next the Sarge, being asked what was happening to the canyon (he WAS the unofficial science officier/cyborg of the team), the next he found himself in the middle of a forest surrounded by nothing be trees. That also meant there was no Sarge, no Grif (thank god) nor his sister in sight. Sighing by the fact that normal vocal tracking was failing, he switched on his person radio transmitter to see who he could contact.

"_Well isn't this a familiar situation?" _he thought. "Hello, Sarge! Can anyone here me? We must have gotten separated in the explosion somehow! I seem to be stuck in the middle of the forest, with no visible paths in or out! …either that or some zoo exhibit, hell I don't fucking know. Sarge? Sarge!"

"Forget it Simmons, the radios don't do shit here."

Simmons jumped up in fright at suddenly hearing the unexpected voice. He turned around and aimed his gun at the newcomer, only to find Grif and his sister standing there. "You guys! Where the hell were you?"

"Well, I dropped into a ditch a ways back, and Sis here somehow got stuck in a tree nearby. I had to spend all this time getting her down, because she was being a sissy."

"Hey! You know as well as I do that I'm afraid of heights!"

Grif turned to his sibling and said, "You drove a spaceship through space! And that's not even anywhere near solid ground!"

"Well, yeah, but that's because in space, you can't fall from anywhere, because there's no gravity!"

Before he could continue the argument, Simmons cut in by saying, "Wait, the ship! Where's the ship?"

"Oh, that's close by too. It's right over here, come on!"

As Sis went off into the woods, Grif and Simmons looked at each other and shrugged. A short while later, all three walked up to the ship that had brought her to Blood Gulch in the first place. And fortunately, it was still in a relatively upright position, meaning it was possible for it to fly again.

"Ah, the good old spaceship. I was wondering when we would be paying attention to it again."

Simmons walked up to the rear end of the vessel and took a quick look inside. "We better look it over before we even think about flying it. Then we can look for Sarge."

Grif's sister shuddered at that thought, knowing that he would be quite okay with just shooting her the minute they all meet again. Grif took note of that and spoke up. "Hey, Simmons, were you really going to let Sarge shoot my sister?"

"Uh…" the maroon soldier tried to come up with an explanation… and failed. "Let's get to work guys! This bird ain't going to pull herself back together!"

"…avoiding the subject, huh? You are such a wuss, Simmons!" The response Grif got then was a battle rifle being slammed into his helmet, knocking him down on his ass. "Son of a bitch!"

"Yeah, now get to work. That goes double for you, girly!"

"Sweet! I get to play with all the knobs again!"

"…on second thought; Grif, make sure your sister doesn't touch anything. And I mean _anything_."

Sis gave off a moan of disappointment while Grif watched her, making sure she didn't wander off, and Simmons toiled on fixing the ship. Even thought the environment they were in was different, everything seemed to be the same old, same old.

* * *

**(Yet ANOTHER unknown forest, same unknown planet)**

Medical Super Private First Class Frank "Doc" DuFresne was pleased. Very pleased. Even thought the sudden explosion of the canyon had frightened him, he was happy for the change in scenery. The cool and calm forest air was an improvement from the harsh arid climate that existed in Blood Gulch.

"Church! Come in Church! Can you hear me? I am speaking to you as loud as I can!"

On the downside, he was stuck with Caboose. Even though he wasn't a naturally violent person (a quote unquote "conscientious objector"), his experience with Caboose taught him that rudeness was often an affective way to either calm him down or to shut him up.

"Caboose, could you PLEASE quit it with that radio? Church isn't going to contact us; our radios don't work here."

"They don't?" chimed Caboose. He thought for a second, walked about five meters away from his previous position, and then tried again. Doc gave off a heavy sigh and continued to watch the forest environment, ignoring everything else in the meantime. This meant he was ill prepared for the sudden appearance of Donut from the sky.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-"

With a mighty thump, the pink soldier crashed on top the medic and sent them tumbling onto the ground in a very humorous way. Caboose actually noticed this disturbance and turned to see what was up.

"Hey… it's Corporal Crossain'wich!"

"Oww," moaned Donut. Mentally, however, he noted the strange sense of déjà vu that had just occurred. "What happened?"

"You fell out of the sky like just like the big ship Church told me about!"

Donut got off of Doc and looked at the blue armored dummy. "Ship? What ship? There was a ship?"

"Ugh, you could have landed a little softer, mister."

Donut took a glance at the medic as he dusted himself off. Dust which reminded him of dirt. This reminded him of caves. Then the big underground area of Blood Gulch. And so on.

"Oh, guys, I was coming to warn you! I was underground, see, and there were these two weird guys working for someone named Wyoming, and they had this bomb, and were planning on blowing up the canyon, and then they started shooting at me and… I'm a little late to warn you guys, am I?"

"Only by a little bit, Major Cinnamon Bun," piped Caboose. "You wouldn't have had seen Church around, have you?"

"No, I just got here. Well, wherever here is." Doc walked in between the two and stood up straight, trying to look imposing. He wasn't doing a very good job at it, of course.

"Alright, as the highest ranking officer here, I'm calling the shots until we find the others."

"'Highest rank?' But you're a medic!"

"Not just any medic. I'm Medical _Super_ Private, First Class!"

Donut chuckled at this sudden proclaimation. "Get out of here! That's not even a real rank!"

"Yes it is, I even have the request papers for it!" Doc opened his backpack compartment (that part of the suit in the back, duh) and removed a large stack of papers. "Just read Section 04, Paragraph 343, Section 7-19, Line 1."

And true to his words, lo and behold, Donut found a single line that read: "This document hereby proves that Medical Officer Frank DuFresne is given the rank of Medical Super Private First Class." And underneath that, in very tiny fine print that only a person with a microscope could see where the words "What the hell is wrong with this man? He's not even a licensed medic! He's such a douche bag… oh wait, I WASN'T suppose to type that?"

"Well I'll be, you're right!"

Doc quickly nodded before saying, "Alright, we should come up with a plan to find out where we are. Caboose, do you have any ideas?"

Caboose shook his head. "Oh, I'm not supposed to think; that is Church's job. He makes all the good plans, 'cause he can handle anything!"

* * *

**(The FIRST unknown forest, same unknown planet)**

Church was not happy. Once again, he found himself doing crap he did not want to have to deal with. He cursed Tucker under his breath for not even trying to help out, but no, he had to be the wuss he is. _"I swear, it's like everyone I meet is nothing but a big lousy cockbite-"_

"Hey Church, are you done yet?" The cobalt soldier groaned in frustration as he turned from his task and faced Tucker.

"You know, burying my decayed remains would go a LOT faster if you helped. Oh, and a shovel would be really freaking nice too!"

"No way, I'm not touching your moldy old bones! That's what you're here for!"

"If the world was working like it's supposed to, I wouldn't even be here right now! The fact that I'm even burying my own skeleton goes against all known laws of nature!"

"Yeah, good luck with that, but hurry it up. The girl is close to having a breakdown."

Church fumed and mentally cursed Tucker and his mother, then turned back to the small bone filled pit. TJ was there as well, and found it funny to wear Church's skull as a hat.

"YOU GOD DAMN LITTLE- PUT THAT DOWN!"

As the chase between man and alien began, Tucker hung out by the two children (and their larger than normal mouse creature) some ways away. Ash was currently reassuring the younger girl, whose expression of horror had still not melted away.

"Scary dead corpse is not pleasant, scary dead corpse is not pleasant, scary dead corpse is not pleasant…"

Tucker looked at her, then back to Ash before asking, "Hey, kid, is she going to be okay?"

"Hopefully… frankly, this is the first time I've seen something like that and I'm having trouble dealing with it."

"Are you kidding? You've never seen a skeleton before; don't you guys have Halloween around here?"

Ash turned on the teal soldier almost immediately. "Halloween decorations are a bit different from actual human remains!"

"Well, don't they have them on display in school? Like for science class?"

"I haven't gone to school for the past three years."

"No fooling? What are you like, thirteen? Awesome, you beat the system!"

Ash wasn't sure what the older man was talking about, but he pushed it aside and continued to calm down Hikari. In the background, TJ bit down on Church's hand, letting lose quite a bit of colorful language.

"So," Tucker asked, "what planet are we on?"

"What?" The black haired boy was puzzled at the question. "What kind of question is that?"

"It's a valid one!"

"…you're on Earth. Where else would we be?"

"Earth? No way, this can't be Earth! I'm from Earth!"

The younger trainer, now calmed down after her sudden fright fest (and yet still careful not to glance over at where Church and TJ fought over the skull of the former), took this opportunity to inquire as well. "You're not making any sense. This is Earth; we've been here our whole lives."

"And I say you're wrong. Earth is way more advance than this place. Plus, I don't remember Earth being so colorful and not… lame."

Ash and Hikari were stumped then and there. They looked at each other in confusion, Church kicking TJ into the river just outside their field of vision. Tucker just continued to stare at the two kids, while he his other thoughts occupied with weird fantasies involving the new chick in yellow armor.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute." Ash waved Tucker off for just a moment. "I'm not sure I get you. This place _is_ Earth, and it's always been the way it is now. What you keep saying just isn't very good common sense."

A loud stomping noise was heard, signaling Tucker to turn and spot Church doing said action, having finally covered up the remains that occupied his armor only minutes before. "Alright, the corpse is gone, Tucker. The girl doesn't have anything to be scared of anymore. And, as usual, I had to do all the work."

"Yeah, whatever." The disregard for the labor brought a well of rage upon Church's body. "Say, can you tell this kid that he's wrong? He keeps saying this place is Earth."

"I'm not wrong!" shouted Ash.

"Whoa whoa, time out. Did you say this place is Earth?"

A sigh escaped Hikari's lips while she leaned toward Ash and spoke into his ear. "These guys aren't very good listeners, are they?" Ash merely shrugged, while Pikachu gave off a small and amusing "chu" in response.

"Just let me get this straight. You said this place was Earth; has it always been called Earth?"

A pair of frustrated groans escaped the pair as they responded in unison. "YES! That's what we said!"

Church took a moment to ponder, pausing only for a moment to remove TJ from gnawing on his leg. A few more moments passed before he finally began putting the pieces together.

"…ah crap."

"Uh, Church?"

"Tucker," the former responded, turning to his teal companion. "Remember back on Sidewinder when the bomb went off, and we got sent into the future?"

"Well, _most_ of us went into the future. You went into the past-"

"That's irrelevant. Anyway, the bomb exploded and we went into the future, right?" Tucker nodded in response. "As far as we know, another bomb was what caused the explosion back at Blood Gulch. Which mean the same kind of thing happened, except…"

"Except 'what?'"

"Except we didn't just blow a hole through outer space or time; we blew a freaking hole into another whole god damn universe!"

A silence washed over the group of six people (actually, four people, a giant yellow mouse and an alien baby). Church just kept on waiting for someone to break the silence with some sort of response. And so he waited. And waited. …and waited.

"…that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, Church."

"And I suppose _you_ have a better explanation for what happened?"

"…" Tucker tried to think of one such way, but alas, he failed. "Yeah, I guess you got me there."

"Alright, I had it!" shouted Hikari. She put her hands on her hips and stepped right up to the two adults. "I don't know who you people are, but ever since you came you've been nothing but nonsense! And I'm not leaving until you explain to me what the heck it going on!"

"Whoa, calm down there! You can't expect us just to-"

"Tucker, shut it." Church then turned to Hikari and asked, "Okay kid, you want the long version or the short?"

"Whichever version answers my questions the best," the young trainer replied.

"Right, long version it is then."

"Is this going to take long?" asked Ash. "We're already behind on getting to the next town."

"Ash, be quiet while I get answers."

Sighing in defeat, Ash simply said, "Alright… we'll just rest here for now."

"Man, she's younger than you and still has you whipped! WhpPSSHHh!"

"TUCKER! SHUT UP!"

"Blargh!"

"You too, TJ!"

**Next Episode: Knowing the Locals**

A/N: At this time, I am also looking for people (one or more) to help beta-read this story as a way to find and correct mistakes that I somehow missed the first time. If you wish to assist me, email me with a link to your profile so that I may take a look at your own written works, so that I can judge whether or not you'd make a good beta-reader.


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